The journey of learning to care for one’s body and mind begins in childhood, often shaped by an environment of anxiety, fear, and control. Yet true nurturing both physical and emotional can only flourish in the absence of these forces. A healthy relationship with food, for example, is less about rigid rules of what and when to eat, and more about how we relate to nourishment as an act of self-care rather than control.

Anxiety and control have no place in teaching a human being how to care for themselves. What’s needed instead is presence, compassion, and patience—especially when emotions run high. Children must be allowed to feel without being rushed through their emotions for the comfort of others.

Sometimes, when a child is crying, we may feel an urge to stop the crying not for their sake, but to soothe our own discomfort. In doing so, we may unintentionally teach them that their emotions are unwelcome. They sense our rejection, even when unspoken, and it can heighten their stress. Over time, they may learn to suppress their feelings not because they’re regulated, but to protect us.

But true emotional regulation isn’t about shutting down. It’s about learning to sit with difficult emotions without distraction or avoidance. When children are supported in expressing their feelings freely and safely, they learn to trust their own internal world and in doing so, they build the foundation for lifelong emotional and physical well-being.

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